The Jailor Versus The Coach: Parenting Models Compared

It’s easy to get stuck in the parental role of the rule enforcer AKA ‘The Jailor.’ See how this compares to The Coach style of parenting.

Parenting ModelThe JailorThe Coach
Primary valueRulesLearning
Parent’s primary toolPunishmentTraining
Interaction modeConflictPartnership
Interaction modelWin-LoseWin-Win
Parent social roleJudgeCheerleader
Social atmosphereCriticalEncouragement
Good behaviorOnly when with jailorAlways
Kid’s self-control sourceExternalInternal
Kid’s self viewI am sometimes not badI am good
Kid’s lesson learnedGame the systemImprove my game
Kid’s objectivePower, control, defensesSkills and strategies

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